32 Hospital Gown Humiliation
When you’re in the hospital, you quickly realize that the designer of hospital gowns created them with the express purpose for humiliating patients.
Not that I had any wardrobe alternatives, as my bloodstained slacks had been discarded a couple days prior. Furthermore, my boxer shorts were cut off my body to remove them, since the metal pegs protruding out of my leg were too high for them to be pulled over.
It was now an hour before I was to be discharged from hospital, and still stuck with these foot-long spikes, the question lingered of what I could wear for the ride home. After a quick huddle, the nurses announced that I could borrow the hospital gown.
That fine Wednesday morning, I was wheeled down to Dr. Arias’ SUV, parked by the front entrance of the hospital.
Getting in a SUV with one good leg can be challenging at the best of times, and all the more so having a foot of metal protruding out in all directions from your bad leg. Well, try doing so while also scrambling to hold the back flaps of your hospital gown closed.
To add insult to injury, the medical personnel then clarified that I was going to have to return the hospital gown. --Right then!
When they had realized my earlier predicament, I had only assumed that that meant I could wear it home and then return it.
Not so. I was to return the hospital gown before leaving hospital property.
So after the feat of graciously climbing into the back door of the SUV with my “back door” open to all the medical personnel and passing curious bystanders, I then had to figure out what to drape over as much of me as possible.
Unfortunately the only available option was a box of tissues, which I deftly, and as synchronized as possible, placed on my lap at the same time my robe was handed out the window to the waiting crowd.
Thank God Dr. Arias worked with me in my dilemma. As I handed off the robe in a slick lateral move, we roared off in his SUV. And thankfully the SUV rode higher than most other vehicles on the road. Of course my liberal nature did prove to be of interest to the passengers on various city buses, especially when stopped at red lights on the way home.
Not that I had any wardrobe alternatives, as my bloodstained slacks had been discarded a couple days prior. Furthermore, my boxer shorts were cut off my body to remove them, since the metal pegs protruding out of my leg were too high for them to be pulled over.
It was now an hour before I was to be discharged from hospital, and still stuck with these foot-long spikes, the question lingered of what I could wear for the ride home. After a quick huddle, the nurses announced that I could borrow the hospital gown.
That fine Wednesday morning, I was wheeled down to Dr. Arias’ SUV, parked by the front entrance of the hospital.
Getting in a SUV with one good leg can be challenging at the best of times, and all the more so having a foot of metal protruding out in all directions from your bad leg. Well, try doing so while also scrambling to hold the back flaps of your hospital gown closed.
To add insult to injury, the medical personnel then clarified that I was going to have to return the hospital gown. --Right then!
When they had realized my earlier predicament, I had only assumed that that meant I could wear it home and then return it.
Not so. I was to return the hospital gown before leaving hospital property.
So after the feat of graciously climbing into the back door of the SUV with my “back door” open to all the medical personnel and passing curious bystanders, I then had to figure out what to drape over as much of me as possible.
Unfortunately the only available option was a box of tissues, which I deftly, and as synchronized as possible, placed on my lap at the same time my robe was handed out the window to the waiting crowd.
Thank God Dr. Arias worked with me in my dilemma. As I handed off the robe in a slick lateral move, we roared off in his SUV. And thankfully the SUV rode higher than most other vehicles on the road. Of course my liberal nature did prove to be of interest to the passengers on various city buses, especially when stopped at red lights on the way home.
Labels: broken leg; hospital gown;
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